Just Lies
by Squiggy123
Summary: Was he completely clueless of how this closeness drove Remus close to the brink of madness, forcing the air out of his lungs?


If this had been just another morning, Remus Lupin wouldn't have minded the faint stream of sunshine that had crept its way through the Seventh year's dormitory window, and now was playing across his face where he lay, enveloped by white cotton sheets. But this was not just another morning. With a frustrated moan of annoyance, and a quiet promise to himself that he would never, ever, touch Fire Whiskey again, Remus threw the pillow over his face in an attempt to shield his eyes from the light that caused them and his head to ache painfully. The Gryffindor was for once in his life thankful that there were no clocks in the boys sleeping quarters; he did not much fancy knowing how many classes he had missed, nor how many detentions he would have to serve to make up for his lack of attendance. The raven haired young man let out a heavy sigh and rolled onto his stomach as he allowed his gaze to wander over to the bed next to his. Remus swallowed nervously at the sight of the boy beneath the covers, who still slept peacefully; his frame rising and falling in a quiet pace.

Sirius' dark and untidy hair was sprawled across the pillow, allowing the sun to paint the skin of his features golden, and long dark eyelashes casted a faint shadow over one elegantly shaped cheekbone. One arm rested lazily above his head, the creamy skin of his broad shoulders bathed in the warm light of the wintry morning outside their window. Remus bit his lip and blushed deeply, as he forced himself to resist the urge to reach out to brush that piece of perfection with the tip of his fingers. Guilt ridden, he averted his eyes and stared up in the ceiling and let out another sigh. Remus was grateful for the fact that Sirius was still asleep. He didn't feel prepared in the slightest for an encounter with his best friend at the moment. Not after last night.

Oh, God.

Last Night.

_"What exactly are you implying there, Moony?" drawled Sirius from the floor of the Gryffindor common room, where he lay in front of the crackling fireplace, waving with an almost emptied bottle of Fire Whiskey. "Do you actually reckon," he continued with a self satisfied smirk, his words slurring slightly, "that James´d prefer a night out with Evans, rather than staying here with us, his friends, the Grand Marauders?" ___

_Remus popped himself up to his elbows, peering down at the other Gryffindor over the edge of the couch. He felt a tingling, almost fuzzy feeling which he was certain had nothing to do with the alcohol that was running through his blood grow in his chest as he spotted that feigned, yet irresistible pout. But Remus could not deny that he was a bit keen of this drunken blur in a way. This was one of very few times he could stare at Sirius just as much as he pleased, they were both too intoxicated by the alcohol to remember any details in the morning anyway. ___

_"Hmm…" Remus pretended to muse, "I must say that I do reckon exactly that, my dear friend. You expect him to skip a date with Evans to hang out with us, now that she's finally agreed to go out with him? Not bloody likely," he snickered, and reached out to steal the bottle of liquor away from Sirius, his fingers brushing gently over Sirius' as he did so. If he hadn't been under the influence of alcohol, he would have withdrawn in an instant; his cheeks painted by the same furious blush he always got whenever he was touching Sirius. But now, he merely brought the bottle calmly to his lips, his grey eyes still fixed on Sirius face. God, how he loved that face. No matter how much Sirius detested his family; there were yet no doubts that those sharp and aristocratic features were ones of the prominent Wizarding family that was the Noble House of Black. ___

_No, Sirius Black was, indeed, a very pretty man. ___

_"Oi!" protested Sirius, watching indignantly as Remus swallowed the remains of the bottle's contents. "I wanted that." ___

_"Like you need more to drink, anyway!" ___

_"Like _**_you_**_ do," retorted Sirius, a faint smirk flashing across his face. "Honestly Remus, what's gotten into you? I've seen James drink like this before alright, but never you." ___

_"Impressed are you, Padfoot?" grinned Remus, offering Sirius a Butter Beer which the other boy happily accepted, bringing it greedily to his lips. ___

_"More surprised," Sirius chuckled. ___

_The two of them fell silent, and soon, the only sound in the Common room coming from the fireplace, where the flames still crackled cheerfully, painting the skin of their faces golden and making the velvet of the couch seem even a darker shade of red, almost black. Somewhere in his dizzy blur, Remus noticed Sirius eyeing him with a look of obvious annoyance in his gaze. ___

_"What?" he asked, squirming awkwardly under the other boy's eyes. ___

_"Why, if I may ask," began Sirius, "are you on that sodding comfortable couch, when I am on this dirty floor?" ___

_Remus let out a relived laughter. "Because this sodding couch is so bloody small, that's why!" he replied. ___

_"It's not fair that you have the couch. If I am sitting on the floor, then you must, too!" Sirius announced. ___

_Remus raised his eyebrows. "Are you serious?" ___

_"Last time I checked, I was indeed Sirius Black," said Sirius smugly, his dark eyes glittering with amusement. "And-" he continued, as Remus rolled his eyes, "what do you think my dear Mother would say if her precious heir to the noble House of Black was left on the floor? I don't think she would like it." ___

_"First off, you are not her ´precious heir´," Remus replied, equally as smugly, "and secondly, if I would be sitting on the floor, you would too. This couch is way too nice for a Pureblood," he mocked, stretching luxuriously over the soft fabric he lay sprawled across. ___

_"Then none of us should have the couch," decided Sirius, grimacing. "Come down from there," he demanded, pulling at the sleeve of Remus' white shirt. ___

_"What? Why?!" yelped Remus, but before he knew it, he hit the floor beside Sirius with a loud thump. ___

_"Why'd you do that for?!" he snarled angrily, massaging his sore shoulder blade. ___

_"No one gets the couch," repeated Sirius calmly. "It's not fair." ___

_Remus stared at him. "That is probably the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard," he whined, as Sirius helped him to sit up. ___

_Resting against the couch, staring dreamily into the fire, Remus let out a heavy sigh. "I feel tired," he stated simply. And he really did. Carefully hoping Sirius wouldn't reject him; he leant aside and rested his head to Sirius' shoulder. And Sirius didn't move away; didn't shift awkwardly. He stayed put, simply allowing Remus to relax against him. Soon, a warm hand glided across his knee, resting there like it was the most natural thing in the world. ___

_A shocked Remus stiffened, and pushed away Sirius' hand forcefully. Was Sirius playing around with him? Had he somehow found out how Remus felt about him, as was now turning it into a Practical Joke by the Infamous Marauder Sirius Black? He wouldn't do that, would he? ___

_"What's the matter, Moony?" slurred Sirius at once, his hand darting up to caress the skin of Remus' nape. ___

_"I…" mumbled Remus, averting his gaze and stared into a corner of the Common room, where shadows danced against the red wall, "I don't want you to touch me, Sirius. Not… like this. You don't really mean it. You're drunk. I'm drunk." ___

_"It doesn't matter," Sirius mumbled with a smile, as he and leant forward, trying to capture Remus' lips with his own, but Remus turned away, obviously unwilling. The smile slowly faded, leaving Sirius' features marred by a confused frown. ___

_"It does," Remus murmured, scrambling to his feet. His legs shook, and his world spun. His mind screamed to him to get away from there, before he did something he knew would hurt him. Ruin him. ___

_Like giving in to the person he loved. ___

_Sirius took a firm grip of his hand, pulling him down to the floor again. "Don't walk away, Remus." ___

_Remus wet his lips and closed his eyes. This wasn't fair. He could resist almost anything, but not this. Please, he begged silently, anything but this. The air around Sirius, the air of soft cinnamon, was intoxicating to him, it took over his universe; eliminating every other scents. Did Sirius know what power his mere scent had over him? Was he completely clueless of how this closeness drove Remus close to the edge of madness, forcing the air out of his lungs, making him gasp for oxygen? But Remus couldn't bring himself to care. With Sirius' breaths on the skin of his neck, his long slender fingers still tangled with his own, oxygen just didn't feel so important. Gathering what was left of his own sense and reason, Remus got up from the floor for the second time and hurried across the room towards the staircases. Sirius, however, had followed him, and caught Remus around his wrist before he could run any further. Pulling Remus determinately to him, their faces inches apart, Sirius whispered: "What are you doing, Moony?" ___

_Staring at his shoes, unwilling to meet the eyes of Sirius', Remus mumbled something rather inaudible. ___

_"What was that?" demanded Sirius at once. ___

_"I'm running." Remus repeated in a whisper, praying silently Sirius wouldn't laugh. ___

_Sirius didn't laugh. In a firm motion he forced Remus to meet his gaze. His eyes were darker than what they usually were. With desire? Anger? Remus didn't know. All he knew, was that he was terrified. ___

_"What are you running from?" ___

_"You. Sirius, I can't do this, I-" ___

_Forceful arms pressed him against the stonewall behind them, hungry lips silenced his feeble attempts of protest, and a gasp of surprise escaped Remus' lips as Sirius let his lips travel along his cheekbone, tracing the line of his jaw. Remus felt as if his skin caught fire wherever Sirius' hands caressed him, his entire being ached with need and desire at the dark haired boy's touches. Remus let his trembling hands tangle themselves in those ebony curls for the first time, allowing his hands to push back the dark fringe which had fallen over Sirius' eye as he leant down towards Remus to capture those swollen lips in another kiss of breathtaking pleasure. ___

_"Sirius…" objected Remus weakly, before letting out a soft moan of pleasure as Sirius nibbled at his earlobe. "I don't want this to be happening this way, please, Sirius-" ___

_"Remus." Sirius hissed it against his ear, the sound of his voice sending shivers down Remus' spine. "You want this. I want this." ___

_"I want this more than just for tonight," Remus managed to whisper, his heart racing as small pearls of sweat broke through the hot skin of his temples as he realised what confession he was in the process of making. "I can't give you this just for tonight, Padfoot." _

Sirius had always been the one who wanted to cross boundaries. He always wanted danger. He always wanted what he couldn't have. Maybe that was why Remus had come to love him the way he did. Maybe that was why he couldn't resist the temptation and danger Sirius offered.

Upon remembering the night of yesterday; the words of beauty whispered in his ear, the promises and the reassuring touches, Remus felt an unfamiliar happiness flutter in his stomach. Stealing another glance at the bed next to his, memories of how he had been lowered onto it mere hours earlier, with Sirius on top of him, their heartbeats in one steady and exhilarated rhythm flashed through his inner vision, and the anxious fluttering was there again.

Soon, Sirius began to stretch out across his bed, yawning. His dark eyes fluttered open, heavily lidded but yet awake, boring into Remus, who still lay quite still and watching the boy who now averted his gaze. Remus licked his lips nervously. "Morning, Padfoot." Remus started tentatively, wishing Sirius hadn't looked away.

Sirius stared to the ceiling.

"Sirius?"

Sirius sat up in his bed and flung his legs over the edge, his back against Remus. He lent forward and rested his head to his hands. Remus swallowed. The hangover, he presumed.

"Remus." Sirius spoke unexpectedly, and Remus couldn't help his short intake of breath as his name fell from Sirius' lips. "Please, don't say anything, Moony. Let us… Let's just forget it, alright? It never happened."

Remus felt like he was falling. A free fall, through thin air, through the ground, through the earth. No one were there to stop and ease his fall, he knew, and the words Sirius had just spoken hung in the now suffocating room where Remus was forced to remain as he watched Sirius get dressed. Fully clothed in his school robes, Sirius turned in the door and looked at him. As Remus saw the apologetic look in those dark eyes, he wanted to get out of bed and rip away that Gryffindor emblem which so proudly was printed upon the liar's chest. Sirius didn't deserve to wear such thing.

"I'm so sorry, Moony." His voice was small.

"Liar."

"I am no liar."

"Tonight you were. There was nothing but lies, right, _Padfoot_?" No longer could he hide his bitterness. He should have know, he should have fucking known that those words of false beauty whispered to him meant nothing. There were just lies, beautiful, but just lies. Remus wished Sirius would just leave. He didn't want Sirius to see the tears that burned behind his eyelids, threatening to escape his eyes any moment.

"I… I must go to class, Remus. You must too. I'm so sorry. We can talk later."

"Go."

_Stay._

"I must."

_Please, tell me you mustn't. _  
"Then go."

_Don't._

As the door closed behind Sirius, Remus got out from his bed and collapsed onto Sirius', burying his face in the sheets where he himself had laid so recently.

The scent of faint cinnamon still lingered in the Gryffindor Tower.


End file.
